Little Pink Ribbons

Growing up, I wasn't much on pink. I wore nothing with frills or lace; I detested dressing up for church on Sunday mornings. Now that I'm 30, not much has changed. I'd still choose Tonka trucks over Barbies ANYday and I'd rather wear my "holy" jeans to church as opposed to a freshly ironed blouse and slacks. Pink ribbons...I rarely wore them in my hair. I cut off any pink bows on shirts and dresses mom would buy for me. Pink wasn't part of my life and I was okay with that.

Don't get me wrong. God made pink. I look at the flowers of the fields, the sunsets, watermelons and grapefruits, certain fish of the sea. God made pink. Sometimes pigs look pink. My cheeks turn pink when I'm embarrassed. Those white rabbits have crazy reddish/pink eyes! I like my steaks cooked medium, which makes them pink in the middle. For some reason the doctors like it when your fingernails are pink when you press on them. Pink is a good thing. Newborn babies are pink and look like miniature old people. Pink is precious.

Most of the time. But what about those "little pink ribbons"...

Little pink ribbons. You see magnetic ones on cars. You see them on license plates. Some women have little pink ribbon earrings and necklace pendants. Men and women alike have pink ribbon tattoos. You can get pink ribbons on mugs, water bottles, phone covers, blankets, shoes, socks, underwear, scrubs, keychains, mousepads, screensavers, and countless other items including t-shirts, one of which I was wearing this past Monday, April 19th, 2010.

My t-shirt said, "I wear pink for my mom." And yes, a little pink ribbon accompanied those words. Pink isn't so precious when it refers to the big "c", in this case, breast cancer.

I officially moved back to Port Republic, VA on Monday, March 29th. (I lived for two years in Louisville, KY.) It was on March 30th, just 24 hours later, that I walked past mom's office where she works for Rockingham Memorial Hospital as a medical transcriptionist. Phone calls and faxes are a routine part of her job, but not that one particular call. She hung up the phone and through tears she whispered, "I have breast cancer." I was knelt down beside her desk as she told me and my only response was a silent cry. We cried together for a few minutes and the phone rang again. An immediate appointment was scheduled for the following morning.

Psalm 119:71, "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees."

Dr. R. explained that we caught it early and that surgery would need to happen in two to four weeks. Just 20 days after that phone call I cried as I embraced Mom once more before she headed to the OR for extensive surgery.

Mom was always the one to kiss our cheek and forehead and squeeze our hand one last time as we kids underwent hospital procedures. My older brother had a kidney transplant. She assured him that she'd be right there waiting when he got out. She sent dad in, too. He was the donor. My younger brother had major ear surgery. She sent him in. I had extensive shoulder repair. Who sent me in? Mom.

Granted other family members were there, but I wanted to touch her last and kiss her last and be the last smile and wave that she saw. I think I was. I've certainly not been the "strong" one throughout all of this. I've been the most emotional. Despite my tomboyish appearance and personality, I do have that maternal instinct which is to worry about those I love and to mother them as best I know how.

Mom came out of surgery and her first slurred question to me was, "What about the lymph nodes?" Thankfully, I had good news. There was no cancer detected in the nodes.

Psalm 30:11-12, "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever."

Mom didn't exactly dance, but she smiled and drifted back to sleep. And let me tell you, she's not being silent now that she's back home. She's giving praise to the One who deserves it!

Let me conclude by saying this. We've not posted anything on Facebook or in blogs prior to this one and Mom approved everything written here. My purpose in writing isn't for anyone to pity my mom or our family, but to prove to you that the ONLY "thing" getting us through these days is Jesus. We are confident that He has not given us anything greater than we can bear. We rest assured that He is sovereign and that He is a healer of broken spirits and broken bodies. He chooses to take some from this earth. It appears that He will be lengthening the days of Mom. For that I am grateful, not only because she'll be here with me, but because I know that God has more for her to do. More people need Jesus. Perhaps having cancer is her avenue of service and worship right now. That makes me smile...

Psalm 40:3, "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD."

Just last night a dear friend in Venezuela said (after I told her that I cry because this is all happening to Mom when I wish it were happening to me instead), "Steph, don't wish for a second that you could rob your mom of this opportunity to give God the glory through hardship. This trial is for her and she is doing with it what God intended...she's giving Him the glory and remaining faithful. She's being a true witness. Let her do that." Wow, I was floored. And crying again because I knew those words were true.

Little pink ribbons aren't always cute or wanted. But,

I do not blame God.
I am not angry with God.

In fact, I love Him more today than on March 30th.

I'd still be okay if pink weren't a part of my life, but it is...and to God be the glory for what He is doing in, through, and all around my mom!

We are still awaiting official pathology reports from the entire procedure, but so far, so good. Please pray for Mom. May she continue to lean on that Solid Rock and may our faith be polished, refined, and ever so radiant to those in our midst. People keep saying, "Just stay positive." It's not really about being positive...it's about being faithful and obedient to our Maker. The victory is His and for that we will never cease to rejoice. This is the day that the Lord hath made...we will rejoice. We will be glad!