I'm Not Happy

It's one thing to be happy about what God's doing in my life; it's another to be content. Happiness is fleeting. It's that feeling you get when you see an old Spaniard (Yes, I'm writing from Spain!) couple hobbling down a cobblestone street hand in hand, knowing they've probably been married for 60 years. And the fact that most of the old men wear v-neck sweaters and golfer hats makes it even better! It's that feeling you get when you ride the carousel at a lawn party or amusement park...or maybe that's just nausea. Happiness is what you feel when a soldier returns home from war and sees his daughter for the first time or kisses his bride after seemingly years, when it's "only" been months. Happiness is eating that one comfort food(s) (Reece Cups, beef jerkey, and Dr. Pepper for me) that makes reality disappear for as long as it takes you to chew and swallow. Happiness just doesn't ever seem to last very long, does it?

Contentment, on the other hand, is sought and can actually be lived out continuously. It doesn't fade or weaken unless you let it. Happiness disappears faster than you can snap your fingers...like when your favorite sports team is winning and all of the sudden they lose with a last second goal or home run or buzzer-beater half-court shot from the other team. You sit there looking at the TV in disbelief and all the rush and thrill and excitement disappear instantly. Or like when everything is going your way, nothing can stop you, and then an unexpected bill comes in the mail and your checking account won't cover it...or like the day that my mom got that phone call. Or the day that I had to board a plane knowing Mom would face chemo and that I wouldn't get to "fight" the battle with her. Happiness, I've decided, is for the birds...

Contentment, however, is a gift.

Contentment. Paul learned to have it and he was tortured. We're talking about being on a ship that was destroyed, being stoned (probably not with pretty smooth river pebbles), being whipped, being naked, cold and hungry. And that thorn in the flesh? Seriously??? Who was he to talk about contentment? And joy sandwiched in between each trial and tribulation? I'm thinking that Paul was just a sinner gone mad, wouldn't you agree? Hopeless, downtrodden, afflicted, and beaten to the point of losing his mind and assuming life couldn't possibly be something enjoyable. He was a sinner gone mad and figured, "What the hell...if I'm gonna live this life, I may as well learn to like it...even if it absolutely sucks. Maybe...just maybe my luck will turn." RIGHT?

Oh my...that's so wrong.

Poverty, loneliness, war, natural disaster, failed relationships, messed up marriages, broken homes, abuse of every type, cancer, every other sickness, depression,and even death...all are evidence that a hopeless generation exists. They are things that obliterate happiness. But they don't have to deprive us of contentment. None of these things are things that God created. They derive from a fallen world; sin really messed this world up. There's nothing we can do about that. That's why Jesus lived, and died, and rose. He cares for the less-fortunate and comforts the lonely, drives away our enemies, calms the winds and the sea, restores trust between friends, rebuilds and sustains marriages, turns cold houses into warm homes, forgives abuse, heals illnesses, gives hope and purpose to the downtrodden, and yes...He still raises Lazaruses from the dead.

I don't really know why I wrote this post. I guess somebody out there needed to hear it or maybe I needed to...

I was going to update you on my mom and tell you how God is at work here in Spain and among my five interns, but that's just going to have to wait for another day. As for now, know that my mom is doing very well. Chemo is no fun, but she is handling it with GOD-size strength and perseverance. She's not happy about cancer or doing kartwheels, but I honestly believe she's content in the fact that God allowed her to have cancer so that somebody else wouldn't be plagued with it. And Spain...Spain is just as beautiful as it was when I came last year...you'll just have to sit anxiously until my next post to hear how God is moving here. I'm not exactly happy about being far from home right now, but I'm very content about some specific people whom God has placed in my life here for "such a time as this"...

Thanks for reading...
Thanks for praying...
YOU are appreciated!
God is still rockin' my world.

Steph